Five Things My Husband Is Pretty Sure You Don’t Know About Me

Being a chatty, disclosure-oriented person, I can’t think of a thing I haven’t already told you about myself. I’m Catholic, but I think I’ve mentioned that before — it makes me inclined to confession.

So I asked my husband what five things he’s pretty sure very few people know about me. Turns out, he’s been making just such a list since 1984, when we first met. Here is his list. It’s not terribly flattering, but then I’m a bit of a pain in the neck. But you already knew that.

  1. People probably don’t know what kind of driver you are. You’re a good driver, as long as you’re moving forward.
  2. They don’t know whether you have a mountain bike or a road bike or no bike or a city bike. (You have a mountain bike.)
  3. They don’t know what irritates you. The fact that you can’t find the tops of the containers you use to put food in for the boys’ lunches irritates you. This is not high on the list of important things to worry about. (We don’t want to get into the things we have to worry about.)
  4. When I first met you, you didn’t know how to cook. Well, you could cook, but just in the most basic way.  It once took you four hours to make risotto.
  5. I haven’t had any success teaching you how to change the oil in the car or clean it out.
  6. Do they know that you really like office supplies a lot? (Yes, honey, they do.)

I realize this meme is supposed to be your chance to disclose that you know a lot about, say, Sumerian history. Or that you can juggle something besides making three lunches in the morning. I have no skills to speak of. Unless you count typing. I’m a fast typist. (I was a legal secretary for a few years before I went back to graduate school and law school. Ah, there’s a little known fact and skill. Also, when I think I’m going to lose at a game, I’m tempted to cheat, and sometimes do, which I suppose is both a skill and a character flaw.)

(With thanks to Helen, Charlotte, Emily, Ms. Make Tea, Danielle, Kerryn, Litlove, Dorothy, Kate, RelaxedDad, and many other people who’ve disclosed far more interesting things about themselves than the fact that they own a mountain bike, can’t change the oil in the car to save their lives, but can type really, really fast.)

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19 thoughts on “Five Things My Husband Is Pretty Sure You Don’t Know About Me

  1. Well, that’s not bad. Have you ever mentioned your shoe size? Or on which side of the bed you sleep? Or, more important than some would think, do you hang the toilet paper loose side to the wall or to the front? Do you leaf through magazines front to back or back to front?

  2. Ah but I love this list, Bloglily. It was smart of you to ask your husband, because I think they are always keeping lists on the quiet about us, and I’m sure driving, worrying about things that ‘don’t need to be worried about’ (ha!) and changing oil would be high on my own husband’s list for me, too….

  3. Despite grinding my gear-box to oblivion a few years ago, I STILL forget to change the oil in my car. Occasionally I say pathetically to my husband, “Should I be doing anything about the oil in my car” which is Charlottespeak for “When are you going to do something about the oil in my car?” He does not find it funny. Oh and I also drive exceptional well, forwards …

  4. Edwin: 39, european. 8 1/2 American. I sleep on the right side, near the window. To the wall. Front to back, except the magazines that usually save the best for the last.

    Yes indeed Litlove — and then there are the lists WE keep, which I won’t go into.

    Charlotte, Try this:  I would think that the person who actually enjoys changing the oil in the car (which would be the person who’s reading Car & Driver magazine in bed) would be the person who changes everyone’s oil. And that’s all I have to say about that. Forward!

  5. my first attempt at risotto took foreve as well, it was a mushroom and something risotto and the chicken was done, the green beans were done, and I had to h old dinner up forever because my risotto was not.
    Great list!

  6. I think it’s surprising that he still yearns for you to change the oil after all these years– especially since there are those quickie oil-changing places everywhere and they know how to dispose of the oil properly. I’d worry about the oil if I did it myself.

    The last time someone tried to teach me how to change the oil, it was a husband–although not this one– and he tried to teach me to change the spark plugs too. It turned out that I had quite a knack with spark plugs! But I don’t even think they exist anymore, or do they?

    Another lost and useless talent.

    (It’s possible that I’m posting the same-ish message twice. I’m having trouble w my wireless)

  7. Hello Kristin — Yes, it surprises me too, the changing the oil thing. (Actually, he’s given up, mostly because he likes doing it himself.) I’ve been hearing about spark plugs, so I think they’re still out there. Your talent might, then, come in handy. But then, again, when someone can write as well as you can, who needs to change spark plugs?

  8. I agree – an interesting list. And as for the cheating, it’s a skill when you don’t get caught and a character flaw when you do. Yes, I’m tempted to cheat when I think I’m going to lose.

    I asked my husband to compile my list for me but he stalled, saying he’d have to think about it. I think that was his way of trying to say I really don’t want to disclose that I’ve kept a little list… Not knowing how to change the oil in the car would be near the top.

  9. i’m the same kind of driver as you are – i can’t reverse park for nuts and i’ll only parallel park if the streets aren’t too busy (which is pointless, seeing as traffic on streets are mostly busy). lol

  10. when i mean same kind of driver, i mean best going forward, of course – my other driving skills or the lack of may not apply to you. sorry for commenting twice – maybe you want to edit this. 🙂

  11. Hello dear Sulz — I think we simply have to say that we’re forward thinking, moving type people. Who needs to back up? And I like seeing your lovely flower twice.

    Kerryn — It’s been an entire day since he agreed to do this and I think he might have regretted not mentioning other things, like how good I am at scrabble. (Oh, oops, I cheat at that.)

    I agree Dorothy, except for some reason oil changing is seen as fun around here. I know what you mean about inaccurate fast typing. I look at some of my comments after I hit post and cringe.

  12. In order not to create inequality: 44, european. I sleep on the right side as well, although in my case that’s the wall side. The toilet rolls hang loose side to front (question of user friendliness, easier to grab.) And I always leaf front-to-back.

  13. Heh, it took me about 4 hours to make a risotto recently because at the last minute I thought: “Why don’t I jazz it up and throw in these dried split peas?” Note to self: dried split peas are not an instant food.

  14. Is there some way to keep this going forever? It’s a great topic. Do Catholics write these lists in Marriage Encounter (or couples when they make their five year plans the Saturday after Thanksgiving)? A true Catholic would know. Am I supposed to ask about Catholic practices in public? I don’t change oil and I cheat in most games, or at least think about it so much that I feel like I do. I like to win. I guess you implied that you do, too. Is it a passion? I don’t like it when my wife sideswipes my car in the driveway, forward moving as that may be. But then, I could have parked it more out of the way, which I haven’t let on to her.

  15. Edwin, Thank you. My mental picture of you in your environment is complete. Oh Helen, I’ve done exactly that kind of thing before! Hi Smokey, It’s a viral topic — everywhere you look someone’s listing five surprising things about themselves. I’ve never done that marraige encounter thing, so I can’t speak for that more worthy part of the Church. As for cheating, some do, some don’t. Those who do are certainly influenced by a feeling that to lose is to …. die.

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