I’d Like to Cancel The Debate

Taking a page from John McCain’s flight plan I mean, play book, I mean book of GREAT IDEAS, I’m going to cancel all debate on the following irksome subjects:  

1.  First, no more talking about who walks the dog.  YOU walk the dog because there is nothing in the world you love more than the dog.  I, on the other hand, love at least six or seven things more than the dog.  (Don’t tell him okay?  He did make the long list of things I love.)

2.  While we’re at it, I’d like to pull out of the debate on whether you can have a youtube account.  You can’t.  Weirdos wil be looking at your videos and leaving weird comments.  Yes, most of them are your friends from middle school.  No, I mean, really honey, I didn’t mean to call your friends weirdos.  You have lovely friends.  I’m not worried about them.  I’m worried about the weirdos.  

3.  Oh, and also another debate I believe we need never have again is the one about why I use so much water when I wash the dishes.  I just DO.  I save the environment in ways you can’t even imagine doing:  for example, I actually recycle the newspapers and the junk mail, items you have apparently decided look better in the landfill than in our nice blue recycling bin.  

4.  There will be no further debate about bedtime.  You go to bed at 8:45 with lights out at 9 because I say so.  Believe me, I have done extensive research about sleep and I can only get as much sleep as I have discovered I need if your lights are out at 9.  

5.  We need no longer debate about why I don’t like to  listen to your reports about how windy it was on the bay today.  You have been windsurfing for the 25 years I have known you.  In all that time, the wind reports — which can take up to 30 minutes to deliver — could be summed up in one of two ways:  it is either windy or it isn’t.  I could guess and be right at least half the time.  I’m comfortable with that level of knowledge.

Having cancelled all these debates, I have suddenly discovered I have time to take a nap.  Who says I’m not presidential?

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14 thoughts on “I’d Like to Cancel The Debate

  1. SW, The great thing is that they’re not that stupid! He doesn’t want to debate = he’s a total coward.

    Why yes litlove, feel free to apply liberally — this idea works equally well in all households.

  2. BlogLily, you’re sounding very presidential, but unless your husband bowls as well as he windsurfs, you’d probably be considered too elitist. I’m guessing he’d need to roll 200 fairly regularly to make for the fact that you are well-educated, you have a wonderful command of the English language and you live in Berkeley.

    Ben

  3. Oh golly, I had to read twice to understand that #4 is not addressed to your husband. I’m all, “Yeah, absolutely, when my husband goes to sleep before me I get a ton of writing done and sleep sooo well, fantastic idea, this rule, but how in the world did Lil get her darlin’ to go along…?”

    And then a frying pan flew out of the cupboard and whacked me on the back of the head and the synapses started working again. They made a really cool snapping sound.

    xo
    E.

  4. Yep, McSame is a coward and is using any excuse to get out of the debate.

    Thanks for providing me with a big laugh after I watched the full 9 minutes of Sarah Palin’s encounter with the witch hunting pastor who prayed over her. You can find it on Mudflats, a blog on wordpress that is an interesting read.

    Windy or not windy. 5 seconds max.

  5. How’s that working out with you and W walking Archie together in the evenings? Last I heard, that was the plan because no one particularly loves walking Archie… Have you tried it? I know of a sweet little guy who would love to walk with you guys.
    ………

    YES on 2
    NO on 8
    Obama/Biden all the way.

    Love from Your Friend Debby

  6. Oh, there are many debates we need never have again, like the one about why we’re not moving to DC (it’s a swamp), and the one about why I like to buy lunch (because if I take lunch I throw it away and buy lunch anyway and if I can’t afford lunch then I am going to give up working).
    As for the election, I can’t vote here, so am hiding my eyes and only occasionally peeking out to say ‘Has anyone fed Palin to bears yet?’

  7. Courtney, Cancelled. I vote for whatever results in the tastiest dinner.

    Jana — you are very kind. You know who was really brilliant? I thought Obama truly came through last night. I kept thinking, now there’s a guy who knows what he’s talking about. Competence is so refreshing!

    Ms. Sofa dweller — Pretty soon you’ll be able to look. I predict all will turn out fine.

    Dear Friend Debby, You’re right — it can be so lovely to walk your dog. And that’s what I hope we’re all learning right now.

    HMH — I like that mudflats blog. It’s wonderful to hear such a smart, local voice.

    E — On a bad day, you have way more synapses than I will ever have. But I am going to try that bedtime bossy thing with my husband sometime. He stays up later than I do sometimes and I find that very distracting.

    U-Dad — It is his JOB to debate all things. And that is just going to escalate. True, but so unfortunate. Eventually, though, they realize we were right all along about everything that matters. It’s going to be hard to wait for THAT light to turn on though.

    Drat. There goes my political career, Ben. I don’t know about you, but I’m not moving!

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